Abuse is Abuse: Recognizing Domestic Violence in LGBTQ+ Relationships
Abuse Still Happens in LGBTQ+ Relationships.
Put yourself in the shoes of a victim of an abusive relationship. Imagine the feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, fear, and desperation. Think about how it would feel to be trapped, yet too scared to ask for help to find a way out. What if people didn’t think your relationship was valid? What if no one knew that you’re gay? What if you had to choose between seeking help and outing yourself and your sexuality? Abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships happens at the same rate as in same-sex relationships and is just as damaging and hurtful. In fact, in some cases, LGBTQ+ people experience IPV at even higher rates than others. But in these relationships, there are often extra obstacles when seeking help.
Abusers in LGBTQ+ relationships may use the same methods to gain and maintain power over their partners as in same-sex relationships, such as sexual and emotional abuse, physical abuse, isolation, financial control, and others.
These batterers may also exploit their partners’ LGBTQ+ identity to reinforce their control. One tactic involves the threat of “outing” a partner’s sexual orientation to others and claiming negative consequences will follow. Another tactic of abuse is claiming that a partner does not really qualify as LGBTQ+, which further isolates the victim from community support. In the transgender community, some methods of abuse include refusal to use a partner’s preferred pronoun, or withholding medication like hormone therapy.
The LGBTQ+ community has fewer specialized resources and they may struggle with shame or embarrassment, too, because of internalized homophobia. Batterers take advantage of this shame. Victims who choose to report abuse may fear that no one will take them seriously because of the stereotype that abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships is always mutual, or simply doesn’t exist. Victims of domestic abuse in same-sex relationships are 30 more times likely than victims in heterosexual relationships to be arrested alongside their abusive partners once law enforcement is involved, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Moreover, many fear that IPV services are not inclusive of LGBTQ people, since the rhetoric of the domestic violence movement has historically centered on heterosexual, cisgender women.
All people deserve the right to be in safe and healthy relationships. At Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, we offer a safe environment for anyone in an abusive relationship who is seeking help regardless of their sexual orientation. No one is turned away because of whom they choose to love; no one is judged. We know and understand that intimate partner violence can happen to anyone. At WC&S, you are believed and you are welcome.
Celebrating Survivors 2019: Pittsburgh Bureau of Police Sgt. Eric Kroll and the late Joyce McAneny to be Honored
Our premier event is almost here! Celebrating Survivors, will take place at the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh the evening of Friday, April 26, 2019. Sponsored by UPMC Health Plan, this event celebrates survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV), remembers those who have lost their lives to IPV, and will honor Pittsburgh Bureau of Police Sergeant Eric Kroll and WC&S’ beloved former Legal Advocacy Manager, the late Joyce McAneny, with Ted Craig Humanitarian Awards.
“Having worked doggedly over the years to bring the Lethality Assessment Program and domestic violence training to the City of Pittsburgh Police, Sgt. Kroll and Joyce McAneny have both shown exemplary advocacy for survivors of intimate partner violence. Sgt. Kroll and Joyce have given so much; they are both truly deserving of this honor,” said Nicole Molinaro, President/CEO of Women’s Center & Shelter.
Known as one of the training experts within the Pittsburgh Bureau of Police, Sgt. Kroll spearheaded the implementation of the Lethality Assessment Program (LAP) in the City of Pittsburgh. Police officers who are called to a home where intimate partner violence is suspected use the eleven-question lethality assessment with victims. If the officers determine a victim to have a high risk of being killed, they will connect the victim with WC&S while still at the scene. Working alongside law enforcement, the Office of the District Attorney, WC&S, and the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence and others, Sgt. Kroll took the lead on developing the policy, the training curriculum, as well as the implementation of the LAP smartphone app. Driven by a family member’s experience with domestic violence (DV), Sgt. Eric Kroll has shown great compassion toward victims of DV and a steadfast dedication to addressing the issue as an officer within the Pittsburgh Bureau of Police.
Joyce was an integral member of the team that implemented the Lethality Assessment Program here in the City of Pittsburgh, which will no doubt be a part of her lasting legacy. She also worked alongside Sgt. Kroll and members of the District Attorney’s Office to provide DV training at the local police academies. Throughout her 20 years at WC&S, Joyce provided court accompaniment and safety planning to thousands of domestic violence survivors and worked to strengthen the justice system’s response to domestic violence. She worked tirelessly with judges, court administrators, attorneys, probation officers, police, and others in the justice system so that victims were better supported and batterers held more accountable.
KDKA’s Lynne Hayes-Freeland is the emcee for the evening and Honorary Event Chairs are the mother/daughter teams of Pat Siger & Carli Siger and Barbara Jeremiah & Abigail Gardner. The evening includes catering by Rania’s Catering, entertainment by The Kevin Howard Band, a Silent Auction, Wine Grab, Mission Moment, and more!
Celebrating Survivors is held annually in the spring with all proceeds benefitting WC&S’ programs and services for adults experiencing IPV and their children.
This year’s event is now sold out, so if you didn’t get tickets yet, we hope to see you next year!
Adopt- A-Family: ‘Tis the Season for Giving the Gift of Empowerment!
The holiday season is full of love and joy. It’s a time to sit back, enjoy some hot chocolate, and feel cozy in a blanket while surrounded by your loved ones. Think back–do you remember a time when you received a special present? As a kid, maybe it was the toy Barbie doll, truck, stuffed animal, or board game you had been pleading for over the past few months. As a parent, maybe it was the joy of seeing your child’s face light up when they opened the present you searched for high and low. Adopt-A-Family!
Many of us dream of our perfect holiday and perfect present; but, some have dreams of a different kind. For many women at Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, they arrive with just the clothes on their backs or what little they were able to grab while fleeing domestic violence. In addition, many survivors often don’t have the financial resources to buy presents and make the holiday season merry for themselves and their children due to financial abuse, which almost always exists in abusive relationships. This holiday season, WC&S is asking you to help us bring the simplest of joys to Shelter residents and non-resident clients through our Adopt-A-Family program!
Our goal is to support 400 women and children this holiday season. By participating in Adopt-A-Family, you’ll bring smiles to all of those beautiful faces!
It’s easy–all you need to do it follow three simple steps:
1. Purchase Gift Cards
You’re giving the gift of empowerment! Gift cards provide mothers with choices when shopping for their children. Recommended gift cards include Visa, Target, and Walmart.
2. Complete the Donation Form
Filling out the donation form provides the necessary documentation for the donation. Along with the gift cards, please provide the name of the donor, organization/company, address, phone number, email address, and gift card amount(s).
3. Send in the Gift Cards!
Mail the gift cards to:
Women’s Center & Shelter
P.O. Box 9024
Pittsburgh, PA 15224
Are you ready to give back to others this holiday season? Ready, set, Adopt-A-Family!
If you have any questions, please reach out to Jake Phillips by calling (412)687-8017 ext. 331 or
Thank you and Happy Holidays from WC&S!
4 Ways to Honor Domestic Violence Awareness Month at WC&S
Think of your friends, family, and coworkers. Think of all your loved ones. One might assume that domestic violence has no impact on them; that it is something you might hear on the news but is someone else’s problem. Whether or not you are directly impacted by DV, it IS an issue that everyone should understand. In reality, one in three women are physically assaulted and 48% of women experience at least one form of psychological aggression by their partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence is not limited to any socio-economic class, race, location, or sexual orientation; it occurs everywhere, every day. So, think of your loved ones again. Do you want to help them? Let’s recognize the problem and help those who are suffering in silence!
What is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?
Domestic Violence Awareness Month occurs every October. The purpose is to show support and help victims of domestic violence as well as educate people on the impact DV can have on someone’s life, and the overall community. DVAM gives a voice to survivors and shares the message that intimate partner violence should not ever be tolerated.
DVAM Purple Happy Hour
WC&S recognizes the importance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month! What better way to have you join our efforts in raising awareness than by hosting a Happy Hour, right?! It’s the perfect opportunity to have fun and also shed light on how to get involved. Time is running out to RSVP and get tickets, so click here to get the details today!
Donate the Essentials
Many survivors come to us with nothing except a plastic bag full of a few items they could grab before fleeing home. Can you imagine going someplace, not knowing how long you’ll be there, what you’ll need day-to-day, or what basics you’ll have access to? Your support is crucial in helping residents until they are able to heal and begin a new life, free from violence. Take a look here to see the most up-to-date list of essentials.
Does your company ask you to help out your local community by racking up volunteer hours? Get your coworkers together for various corporate volunteer opportunities that we have here at WC&S! Whether it is by keeping the Shelter clean so our residents feel at home, throwing a party for the littlest survivors in our Children’s Program, or preparing a delicious meal for the residents, there are plenty of ways you can show support for survivors of domestic violence.
Download the RUSafe App
Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh has worked to provide you with safety at your fingertips! Download the free RUSafe app which assesses the potential harm one might have and an abusive relationship. The RUSafe app informs users of nearby, safe locations to go to, includes an agency directory for domestic abuse support services, and uses a secure journal tool.
If you or someone you know is a victim of DV, please reach out to us. We provide a 24-Hour Hotline at (412) 687-8005, Emergency Shelter, Children’s Program, Support Groups, Legal Advocacy, Medical Advocacy, and more. Know you are not alone and we are always here to help.
To learn more about resources provided by Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh please click here. If you or someone you know is looking to get more involved or want to help WC&S of Greater Pittsburgh, please visit how to help. Every donation counts and is a big help to survivors of domestic violence in the Pittsburgh area, please donate today.
Take the Father’s Day Pledge to End Gender Violence!
Outside of being fathers, men have many other roles as uncles, brothers, colleagues, mentors, and role models. In order to end domestic and sexual violence, we call for men to have conversations with their children about healthy relationships, confront other men about disrespectful jokes or behavior, and support survivors to get help. Domestic violence affects us all, whether it is directly or through our family, friends, and colleagues, and we want men to help end us the fight against gender violence. For those incredible men already supporting these issues, thank you!
One in three women are abused physically, sexually, emotionally or verbally by their partner, and while most men and women oppose gender violence, it is not enough to be quietly supportive. This year, we have partnered with the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, PA Says No More, and Southwest PA Says No More for their Father’s Day Pledge PA Campaign. This is a statewide campaign for men to join women in taking action to end gender violence.
The Fourth Annual Father’s Day Pledge Signing Ceremony will occur at the US Steel Tower on Friday, June 14 from 12 – 1 PM. The ceremony is an opportunity for community leaders and the public to sign their name to the Pledge, publicly taking a stand to end domestic violence and sexual assault. Opening remarks will include Bill Peduto, current Mayor of Pittsburgh. Speeches will be given on supporting survivors, engaging young people in the conversations about prevention (featuring our own Rhonda Fleming, Director of Education), and speaking out against abusive behaviors. Afterwards, there will be a public recitation of the pledge, and a signing ceremony for community leaders and the public. Sign up here.
Not able to attend in person? You can sign the pledge online here, vowing to make your community safer by learning about domestic violence and sexual assault, modeling respect equality in your own relationships, and speaking out against disrespectful and abusive behaviors.
You are also able to plan your own Father’s Day Pledge event! We urge businesses and organizations to display Pledge posters and encourage employees and visitors to sign. You can also set up a Father’s Day Pledge booth at local sporting events, programs, and festivals. For more information on hosting your own event, learn more here.
Survivor Story: How You Helped Isabelle Blossom
Because of your help, one woman, a new mother, was able to turn her entire life around.
Isabel’s entire body hurt. It was heavy, as if lifting her arm to comfort her sweet baby was just too much to bear. She could no longer tell if it was the pain from the abuse the night before, or the heaviness of depression that had set in after the baby was born.
She really couldn’t tell where one pain began and the other ended. All she knew was that this depression was pitch black, lonely, dizzying space of vertigo feelings, thoughts, and worries. She loved her baby, but most days she barely had the energy to survive. She wanted more, for both of them. Isabel had no energy and didn’t believe there was a way out.
Can you imagine how horrible this must be, not even feeling joy with her own precious baby? And with the heavy pain of severe postpartum depression and wearing the scars of physical abuse, wondering if you and your baby will survive the night? Every night Isabel wondered, “Will he kill me before the depression does?”
Every woman who survives abuse is unique.
With nowhere else to turn, Isabel arrived at WC&S with her three-month old daughter Maria and severe postpartum depression. It was no easy journey for her to arrive at the Shelter, but she was so happy she made that choice. Because of your generosity, Isabel had somewhere to go that would understand the challenges of not only the crippling depression but also the impacts of severe domestic abuse.
Your support provided for a traveling nurse to help Isabel work through her depression and aided her in attending the Children’s Program’s Mom and Me Group for new mothers. As Isabel began down the road to a better place, physically and mentally, joy returned and she was happy to be a mom.
Isabel blossomed during her time as a resident as she began to heal from physical and emotional abuse. There was an overall positive change in her happiness and bonding with Maria. You had a direct hand in helping Isabel climb out of the dark place that was stealing her light. With baby Maria, she understood her life was worth living, and with your help, she was given the tools to build it free from abuse.
You helped Isabel. And because of you, other women like her who have their own unique journey from abuse have a place to go in their darkest hour.
Thank you for making the critical services available to help make a difference in the lives of more women just like Isabel.
Do PFAs Work? Can the Legal System Help Women of Domestic Violence More?
Is there more the legal system can do to help women of Domestic Violence?
The recent tragic death of Alina Sheykhet at the hands of her ex-boyfriend has raised questions and concerns about PFAs. Alina had taken this step, with the support of her family, to obtain this legal order. Sadly, even this did not protect her from his rage. Alina, in the prime of her life, was killed at the hands of her abuser.
It leaves the mind and heart wondering why? Is there more the legal system can do to help women of Domestic Violence?
In an ordered world, a PFA SHOULD stop an abuser. But the mind and world of an abuser is anything but ordered.
• Unfortunately, research shows that for offenders who have a history of violence, a PFA may not be enough.
• Leaving is the most dangerous time—that’s when an abuser feels he’s losing all control. Controlling and dangerous behavior may actually escalate.
• Immediately after obtaining a PFA, reaching out to a DV shelter for help with safety planning can be life saving. Every situation is different, and the staff at the Shelter is skilled in knowing what resources are available for your unique circumstances.
What is a PFA?
• In Allegheny County, 4000 PFAs are issued per year. Many more women need this protection, and do not file. This may be because they do not know how to file, do not have access to support, or have seen the horrific effects when PFAs are not honored and abuse escalates.
• It’s important to know: Calling your local domestic violence program will help you understand the PFA process and how to go about obtaining one.
If PFAs don’t always work then why would I file one?
A PFA is the first step in letting law enforcement AND your abuser know that you are seeking help. It is a clear statement that YOU are not tolerating the abusive behavior that has occurred.
And, it is important to remember, that most times they DO work.
• We WANT women to obtain PFAs–to be supported to be free from Domestic Violence.
• If police see that there is a PFA on the perpetrator, they will be more informed as to what’s going on (taken place in the past if you have to call them again and they can be better prepared when they arrive at the scene) AND it leaves a paper trail.
It is important that a woman file a PFA!!!
And there are extra steps the victim can take.
It’s not fair, but it’s safer to do so.
• Extra steps include calling a DV program and doing safety planning.
• Also, depending on the situation, temporary locating to where an abuser wouldn’t know how to find you can save your life.
It’s unfortunate that the responsibility still lies with the woman to protect herself and NOT on the abuser to comply with a court order. Your safety is key during this time.
What else could get in the way of a PFA being effective?
One of the biggest obstacles may be that judges at the time of issuing a PFA do not have access to previous acts of violence perpetrated by the abuser.
• Justice systems are technologically archaic. In most areas judges don’t always know what previous records the offender has at time of issuing a PFA order or establishing bond.
Other states or counties may not have information about the abuser’s prior charges and offenses.
And it is important to know, that victims themselves may not even know about previous abuse. Often the changes are subtle, leaving the woman to think she has done something wrong. How could this person who loved her now be so controlling, abusive, jealous?
It’s important for ANY woman to know that help is available, not just for filing a PFA but also for safety planning, as well as legal advocacy. No one needs to face this process alone.
Last year, Women’s Center and Shelter helped OVER 3,000 adults with legal advocacy.
If you or someone you know needs help, call (412) 687-8005.
Calling All Caped Crusaders: WC&S has Joined the Allstate Foundation Purple Purse Challenge!
You reach in your purse to pay for something and don’t have your wallet. Embarrassing right? Now imagine you are a woman trying to escape Domestic Violence. You know you have to get out, you want to get out, and you are ready. In fact, you know if you don’t get out now there may just not be another chance. You’ve been secretly saving for just this moment. You reach in your purse and your wallet is gone, and you KNOW you put it in there.
How can this be, you wonder? Your heart falls, and you know. There just is no way out.
Sadly, financial abuse occurs in 99% of all domestic violence. Without money to escape the abusive relationship, a woman simply cannot leave. Or worse, even after breaking free, the survivor has to return right back to the abusive situation.
Financial abuse is domestic abuse. While it’s invisible unlike the marks left by physical abuse, it’s still a trap. It’s a strong trap that prevents a victim from leaving just like being under the control of a lock and key. But there is a key to unlock Financial Abuse. And you can help; you can be the hero that unlocks that lock. You can join us in the Challenge here.
We at the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh are excited to announce we’ve been chosen as one of 200 nonprofit organizations serving domestic violence survivors throughout the entire country to be a part of the Allstate Foundation Purple Purse Challenge! Since 2005, this competition has taken place every year with the goal of developing long-term security and safety through financial empowerment. This year, we’ve been selected to join this friendly fundraising competition to secure economic empowerment for domestic violence survivors in the Pittsburgh area. – Domestic violence affects one in four women in her life. – Every nine seconds a woman is abused. – 99% of all domestic violence cases include financial abuse, too.
On a greater scale, through this Purple Purse Pittsburgh Challenge, we’re ready to help the next woman flee financial abuse. She can find her inner hero again; until then, with your support, we can be her hero.
“I’m willing to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.”
~ Wonder Woman
The challenge begins October 2nd, but if you’d like to look around our Crowdrise Purple Purse Pittsburgh page now, please feel free to browse. From there, you can find out information about how you can be a hero by joining our team. And if you’re not the rah-rah-fundraising type but more of a silent caped crusader, that’s okay, too! You can visit the page, make a contribution, and then fly off to your next life-saving adventure.
Helping Women and Children of Domestic Violence
Margaret never thought it would happen to her. She had a good job, a nice home, wonderful children and supportive friends and family. But Margaret had something else, a secret.
As she looked outside at the holiday lights strung in her neighbor’s yard, it seemed so peaceful. Inside is where her secret reigned. No one, absolutely no one, knew what would come next. But she did.
Her husband is screaming in the kitchen – throwing plates across the room as they hit the wall and shatter. She knows she’ll become his next target, and the knot forms in her stomach. The kids are in the living room crying, and in this moment, she knows they cannot withstand this abuse anymore.
Later that night, when she is alone with her children, she tells them to quickly put on their shoes and coats and follow her to the car. There is only a small window before her husband returns from the store, and everything else must be left behind. The kids ask where they are going, but she remains steadfast at the wheel – determined to get to safety.
Because of the generosity of our donors, this family has a safe place to go…Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh (WC&S). They arrive frightened and weary, worn down by the life threatening events of their lives. Greeted by WC&S Advocates with warm smiles and open arms, their lives begin to change in ways they can only dream.
Everything from legal support, medical care and counseling is offered free of charge. But perhaps most valuable is the moment of peace that begins as they lay down in their own room in our Emergency Shelter. One moment of peace that begins a whole new world.
As mom drifts off to sleep, knowing for the first time in what seems like forever, that she and her children are safe, she hears the words of her advocate ringing in her ears, “I promise, we are here. You are fully supported and won’t go through this alone.”
It is impossible to a put a price tag on the work that your donations allow us to provide here at Women’s Center & Shelter. Transitioning women and their children from a place of abuse and fear to safety and hope is a priceless gift. From basic necessities to vital resources, your support allows domestic violence survivors to move forward into a new life, free from abuse.
Your year-end donation makes all of this possible. Please…
For the love of dog
“Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
~~ George Eliot
Imagine this: Your closest companion is your dog.
Your dog loves you, she comforts you, and she never judges you. Whenever you need a laugh—she is there chasing her tail. Whenever you need a hug—she is there putting her paw on your lap. Whenever you need comfort—she is there licking away your tears. She is your closest companion in a world fraught with fear and anxiety because, although she is always kind, your partner isn’t. Instead, he is constantly putting you down, interrogating you, criticizing you, and intimidating you. The only one you can really count on is your dog.
Imagine this: You decide it is time to get out of this abusive situation.
But you can’t. You know him and you know what he is capable of doing. He has kicked your dog before. He has withheld her food. He has made her stay outside when it’s been too hot or too stormy. He’s threatened to just let her out the door. He has threatened to kill her. You couldn’t possibly leave him because you couldn’t abandon her. What’s more, you couldn’t bear to be without her—she is your closest companion and your biggest support. But you don’t know if you will be able to survive—emotionally or physically—if you stay.
But then, imagine this: You find out there is support for you and your dog.
You call the Women’s Center and Shelter’s 24-Hour Hotline (412-687-8005 x 1) and explain that you want to get out, but that you can’t leave without your dog. You learn that there are several options available to assist you in getting yourself and your dog to safety. You create a safety plan with a Hotline Advocate.
Now, imagine this: Your dog is one of your closest companions.
Your dog loves you, she comforts you, and she never judges you. She’s been there with you through thick and thin, and the wag of her tail tells you that she is as happy as you.
Did you know?
- If you are in need of shelter due to intimate partner violence, Women’s Center and Shelter may be able to provide immediate, short-term shelter for your dog, cat, or other companion animal.
- We partner with local animal shelters to find temporary or permanent placement for your pets.
- Your pets can be protected by a Protection From Abuse Order—our Legal Advocacy Department can assist you in listing pets on the PFA. Call our Legal Advocacy Department Monday through Friday, 8am-4pm at 412-355-7400 x5.
- Humane Officers can assist you in retrieving your pet from the place you fled.
- Free and low-cost veterinary services are available through local animal shelters.
- Our Hotline Advocates can assist you in creating a safety plan for you, your children, and your pets. Even if you determine you must stay in the abusive situation or leave your pet behind in order to safely flee, we can support you in your planning and decision-making. Call us anytime day or night at 412-687-8005 x1.
Imagine this: One day all women, children, and pets are free from abuse.
How does your pet support you? Have you ever considered leaving but been afraid to leave your pet behind? What is the best part about having a companion animal, to you?